The End of Efforting

Deep Coaching with Joy for High Achievers

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Being a highly intellectual AND highly sensitive human, I know how that cocktail tastes.

I guess you too.

  • First off, you will never call yourself "highly intellectual" - it sounds more like an insult.
  • You always feel like a fraud, fearing that one day you will be found out.
  • You've achieved so much, but still find it not enough, or feel empty inside.
  • Every time you slow down, something uncomfortable comes up so you might as well get busy again.
  • You're easily overstimulated, yet you often feel bored and understimulated.
  • You have so many hobbies and interests that you're afraid to become a master of none.
  • You're extremely precise in your word choice. Finding an accurate and non-cliche way to express yourself matters a lot.
  • You have difficulties finding a therapist or coach because you doubt if they can truly understand your complexity. Even if they provide the best emotional support, if they can't also discuss philosophy, politics, literature, or aesthetics with you, you will still feel unseen.
  • Yet people who can discuss these things with you may not appreciate your multi-layered, rainforest-like inner world.
  • You're skeptical about religions, and the New Age stuff sounds too superficial for you. Deep down, though, you're in awe of the vastness and mysteries of Life.
  • You oftentimes feel frustrated about your own high standards, and you judge yourself as "being too picky", "thinking too much", "having first-world problems", or "too privileged".
  • The inner critic makes you feel like a fraud again.

These are the traits of most of my clients. In other words, you are not alone.

Over the years, I've worked with many high-achieving clients - including millionaires - who knew their life could be more at ease. The symptoms and themes they came with include:

  • Burnout and existential crisis
  • Eating disorders and body-image problems
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or other digestive problems
  • Imposter syndrome; strong inner critic
  • People-pleasing, hard to say "no" or "yes", hard to even hear their own true wishes
  • Anxiety and Panic Attacks
  • Insomnia, or difficulty in rest
  • Low self-esteem
  • Procrastination
  • Fear of commitment and abandonment
  • Fear-driven polyamory and BDSM
  • Sexual trauma or unwanted touches
  • Difficulty in sex or orgasm
  • Spiritually woke, yet unable to ground in the material world

On top of these challenges, for many high achievers who turn to the self-help field, the biggest trap I've been seeing is that healing itself has become another goal to achieve.

  • Meditating for hours
  • Going on strict cleansing diets
  • Filling their agenda with therapy sessions, coaching programs, and spiritual retreats
  • Deep breathing (yes, that's great for your health, AND, it can become another way to control your feelings or manage your circumstance)

I've been there. Now I know how effortful that was.

And how effortless things could be.

(An embarrassing note: Shhh, I've also been there... Making a lot of effort to ACHIEVE effortlessness.)

To be truly effortless, we need to be in contact with our body, and our deeper truth. We will rewire how we deal with stressful situations, not just cognitively, but more importantly, in the body. We will also reshape your deepest beliefs, by releasing fears and planting new habits, again, in your body.

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1. So, what does a session look like?

My coaching is deep. We will go to your biggest fears and your widest dreams.

I listen to you with curiosity and an open heart, without judgments or cheap advice. I ask you questions; I reframe your stories; I connect the pearly dots that you overlooked.

I may ask about your dreams - they're oftentimes more truthful than your conscious mind.

At a certain point, I'll invite you into a different space than talking. We will use a LOT of the body. We will explore what else your body can do when, for example, you start to criticize yourself again. Maybe we'll try different postures, different breathing, or making a sound.

Laughter, sighing, yawning, weeping, gibberish, groaning, gasping, cursing, and singing is all very common in my sessions. So are stretching, curling up, jumping, and shaking. Even orgasmic sensations!

Sometimes it's none of these, but just meaningful silence, in which you simply know, you'll never be the same again.

2. How about the "with joy" part? What makes coaching with you a fun thing to do?

My superpower is playfulness. As a mom of an exuberant toddler, I happily discovered that I'm at least as playful as my son! We make weird faces and noises; we act like animals, biting each other and rolling around. I naturally bring this joyous and lively energy to my coaching sessions - we laugh out so loud that the deepest fears and sadness suddenly feel more bearable.

Another fun thing I do with my coachees is the game of “dress code”. The day before every session I'd propose a dress code, such as "blossoming", "mother earth", "open heart", "inner child", "divine slut" etc. I do this for 3 reasons. First, it's just nice to have a weekly opportunity to put on all the fancy or weird stuff that you bought years ago but never had a chance to wear. Second, I'll ask you to explain your outfit choice, which allows me to understand you a bit more. And thirdly, we'll discover so many previously undiscovered or under-appreciated layers of you. Your life will become instantly juicier, and self-love finally becomes a tangible, actionable thing.

3. What's your background?

My doctoral training was partly in anthropology. That made me very good at asking heart-opening questions with an unprejudiced mind. And I know I'll never understand someone if I come from a condescending place. I'm open to learning, being challenged, and being humbled.

I am also a certified Circling facilitator, and the skills I cultivated from which have laid the foundation for all other therapeutic/ coaching work I do: being present, observant, compassionate, curious, honest, courageous, and acknowledging it when I don't know. Following what's alive, I oftentimes get to see one's patterns and blindspots very quickly.

I use a lot of parts work in my sessions, which is inspired by Internal Family System but more intuitive.

I have practiced for years Orthobionomy - the body's self-healing technique.

However, the insights I gain from ordinary life are as valuable, if not more:

  • The morning stillness.
  • The recurring dreams.
  • The rupture and repair processes with my loved ones.
  • The big emotions of my toddler that got melted in my arms.

Feeling enthused or hesitant?

Either way, book a free intake call with me.

Or write me an email you introvert.

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More Resources:

I Microdosed on Psilocybin for 30 Days, and Tracked Its Lasting Effects

How to Really Break Free From Old Patterns

What if Freaking Out and Shutting Down are Perfectly Normal? (Podcast interview with Dr. Greg Siegle)

What is Circling?